Things That Always Surprise Foreigners About American Health Care

This is just one of many examples of the truly amazing freedoms Americans enjoy.

In foreign countries you can visit the doctor, dentist, or a local video game shop with no out-of-pocket cost, but here in America, it’s a totally different story.

With all the problems in the U.S. system, many foreigners can’t understand why in the fuck 330 million people are just sitting there with their thumbs up their asses.

Most uninsured Americans can only afford health care by boarding an airplane and yelling ‘Is there a doctor onboard?’ to get the treatment they need.

Most U.S. citizens are used to the Senate minority leader specifically denying each of their medical claims, but it’s unusual to foreigners.

It’s not about health care, but it also is.

One major difference between American hospitals and those in other countries is that you frequently have to bring your own organs if you want them to be transplanted.

For an extra fee, Americans can request the sexiest doc at the hospital to clean their wounds.

The reason American health care is so bad is because no Americans are currently sick, leaving the doctors and insurance companies out of practice.

Keep those price tags in mind next time you go selling your organs on some second-rate black market.

Foreigners accustomed to easy access are startled to learn that the sick must square off in the reception area against this dude who’s fucking massive and knows some MMA, too.

A comparative rarity in other countries.

Many visitors expect American doctors be brooding, intellectual titans with chiseled jawlines and piercing blue eyes; unfortunately, most doctors in America aren’t geniuses or even handsome at all.

It’s hard for many foreigners not to feel intense envy when they hear about the brave American kids who don’t cry at the doctor’s office and get to pick out a cool sparkly pencil or plastic spider.

American health care really is bizarre.

It doesn’t get much clearer than “high-deductible point-of service health savings plan.”

There’s an extra charge for that as well.

Dare speak of it, and it will come for you.

American doctors graduate after a decade of specialized education with hundreds of thousands of dollars in student debt and a strong urge to leave America for a place that values expertise and public wellness.

Europeans in particular wonder how patients are meant to recover from surgery without a glass of Beaujolais, schnapps, or akvavit with breakfast.

Many are horrified to learn that U.S. surgeons baptize all non-Christians while they are under anesthesia, but Americans know this is just a courtesy performed in case the patient dies during the procedure.

In the U.S., losing everything from health expenses is quick and easy compared to what most foreigners have to deal with.

Most foreigners are as confused as we are as to why the whole rotten system hasn’t come crashing down.