Things To Avoid Saying When Confronting A Bully

Bullies have excellent comedic timing and they won’t miss the chance to lay you out.

Solid chance you’ll just be bringing in bigger and more experienced bullies by doing this.

You can at least take solace in the fact that you went to school with a future CEO or Supreme Court justice.

They’ll take you up on that and then continue right where they left off.

Bullies are going to get even more upset once they hear about the inflation crisis.

All bullies have a class ability that gives them 100% resistance to imaginary fire spells.

Really? You’re going to admit to your bully that you’re shaped exactly like a locker?

This might save your life in the moment, but you’d better have a plan when the bully rolls up with a down payment.

When you make a bully pity you, they actually hit you harder for forcing them to feel human.

This may scare off potential co-conspirators.

Bullies don’t want to hear that other people have well-adjusted families!

Your best bet is to hope the dash cam footage goes viral on Twitter.

The person responsible for making you feel small every single day is not the one to help you get into ​Wesleyan.

Don’t make yourself known as the kid who loves swirlies, it’s just going to make things worse.

Exposing yourself as a self-sacrificing defender of capitalism makes you look like a weenie.

You deserve the ass-kicking you’re about to receive.

Because of JVDB’s later work in TV and film, they will assume that’s a good thing.

They aren’t going to want to hear they won’t be a source of inspiration to your budding music career or one-man show.

You got something to say? Huh? Do you? We didn’t think so. Now shut the fuck up and give us your money.