If you’re suspected of a crime, one of the first places the authorities will search is your online history. If you’re under investigation, never google the following things.
“How to undo decapitation”
Not going to work as an expression of remorse, if that’s what you’re thinking.
“Is murder legal?”
Should’ve done that research before you started stabbing.
“Restaurants to check out near me and murder scene”
Even though murder certainly works up an appetite, you may just be better off walking up the street and seeing if there’s food instead of googling.
“Best running shoes for plantar fasciitis”
What are you running from? The law?
“How soon can I get back out there and kill again?”
With the thrill of a murder still racing through your bones, it’s certainly tempting to ask this.
“Janet Jackson nip slip”
Now is not the time to relive one of the most seminal moments in live television history!
“How to look cute in jail”
Each jail has their own little quirks about fashion that you can’t really understand until you get there.
“Best criminal defense lawyers near me even though I haven’t done anything wrong”
Although it’s smart to try and cover your trail as you search for an attorney, authorities will see through this effort.
“Countries that do not extradite to the U.S.”
You’ll get better results if you just take the extra second to type out “United States.”
“How to boil an egg”
Even though it’s irrelevant to the crime, it’s pretty embarrassing you don’t know how to cook an egg.
“Betray accomplices in twisted scheme that ends in violence pros cons.”
You should be able to make up your own mind about some things.
“When does Six Flags open tomorrow?”
Not an admission of guilt, but it’ll look real bad when the jury finds out what you did the night before.
“Best places to sell evidence”
Sorry, eBay isn’t gonna let you auction off your bloody cleaver.
“How do I google running away from police?”
This is just embarrassing on so many different levels.
“Which criminal am I based on my zodiac?”
Just because you’re a Gemini doesn’t mean you’re Jeffrey Dahmer.
“Easy meal prep ideas for when you’re busy covering up a crime”
A less specific search will yield more options.
“Lofi hip hop radio - beats to clean blood off walls”
You seem to be way too relaxed for someone who’s about to get busted.
“I killed my wife. Am I the asshole?”
Only google this if you’re actually prepared to accept that in this situation, you might be the a-hole.