Things To Never Say To A ‘Karen’

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If you’re near a ‘Karen,’ chances are she’s already called the police and started filming you, so it’s best to avoid saying the following things.

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“No ma’am, we cannot ban all Black people from the grocery store.”

As much as Whole Foods has tried, you still legally cannot make their favorite grocery store whites only.

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“I’m just out for a walk in the neighborhood.”

Karens are keen observers and know that “just out for a walk” is code for “I am a drug dealer.”

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“The social contract necessitates we forgo some of our individual liberties and privileges in order for our collective gain in terms of social benefits, and breaking said contract results in a net loss for us all.”

Manager!

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“I love you, Mommy!”

That’s very aggressive language and will immediately make a Karen feel unsafe.

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“I don’t work here.”

You better start working here pronto. And then you better start thinking long and hard about whether or not you’d like to keep this job.

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“This policy is the same for everyone.”

Surely you can make an exception for every person who ever asks?

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“Have you ever read Ta-Nehisi Coates?”

Yup, and she’s already dialing 911.

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“I apologize, but your table won’t be ready for another minute or so.”

The reservation was for 7, not 7:02, and now people are gonna bleed.

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“You cannot speak to my manager, as they are currently trapped in a grain silo.”

This trick never works.

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“Ma’am, you can’t open the cockpit door during the flight.”

She paid for first-class tickets, so she has every right to sit in the front of the plane.

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“I do not work here.”

Then why are you in this store while being a minority?

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“How can I help you?”

You fucking bitch, do you know who you’re talking to?

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“Why are you filming me?”

That’s the kind of aggression the police will need to see to believe.

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“Yeah Mommy, tell me I’m a bad little barista.”

No reason you both can’t enjoy being disciplined.

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“I’m sorry, my kid died this morning so I am really going through something.”

You’ve got it backward: She’s the one going through something because you got her order wrong.

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“Can you please stop shrieking on the floor of this Nordstrom?”

This is America, and she knows her rights.

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“I’m going to call the cops.”

How dare you? That is her line!

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