Things To Never Say To A TSA Officer

If they let you do it, they’d have to let everyone do it.

Don’t tell them how to do their job.

This only works with Starbucks Frappuccinos.

If they help you now, you’ll never learn your lesson.

This will only make them more determined to find it.

If you really want one, you’re welcome to buy an overpriced firearm from the Hudson News.

There are much better topics for small talk.

Don’t wade in to intra-transportation tension that you don’t understand.

Yeah, right, good luck finding a non-bigoted TSA officer.

If you rush them, they’re only going to drag it out more.

The worst thing you can do to a TSA agent is use Nietzsche to force them into introspection.

Only high-level TSA officials got to meet him, so it’s kind of rude to remind them they lost that promotion.

These glorified police aren’t worthy of being sexually harassed.

Unfortunately, the TSA officer doesn’t have time to show you a different machine in a different part of the airport that won’t give you some horrible cancer when they scan you for a bomb.

It’s not nice to rub someone’s lost dream in their face.

They’re not going to appreciate your candor as much as you think.

Relaxed security doesn’t allow you to bring a basket of handguns either.

Jeez, just say it’s a medical thing.

The federal government will decide the degree of handsiness with which to grope you, thanks.

They’re asked to be racist, though not all are.

They’ve heard that excuse a million times.

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