Unless you’d like to get run over by a rich, angry tech bro with a chip on their shoulder, you might want to tread lightly when asking a Tesla driver about their car. Here are things you should never say to someone who owns a Tesla.
“You must save a fortune on gas money.”
Don’t worry, they’ll inevitably bring this up on their own.
“Your car is on fire!”
If the driver somehow survives, you’ll be sure to get an earful about the danger of spreading unfounded rumors.
“I want a divorce.”
Good. Car will be wife now.
“A bunch of us are gonna hang out later and get gas for our cars. Wanna come?”
They’ll say they can still have fun even if they’re not gassing up, but it’ll just be kind of awkward for everyone.
“Oh my God! Someone broke into your car and stole all the knobs and buttons!”
Actually, it’s supposed to look like that.
“If you love Elon Musk so much, why don’t you marry him?”
Statistically speaking, there’s a better-than-even chance that Elon Musk has already married and conceived multiple children with whomever you are talking to.
“I’ve hit more pedestrians in my regular car.”
It’s not a competition.
“Could you ‘accidentally’ run over my husband next week?”
Air quotes won’t hold up in court when tried for attempted murder.
“What kind of mileage does it get dragging a child in the undercarriage?”
The ride is so smooth that most owners don’t even know they hit a kid until they happen to catch a puddle of blood in the rearview camera.
“I own electric things too.”
While that’s nice and all, a toothbrush and light bulbs don’t exactly compare to an $80,000 car.
“By Jove! What fanciful contraption lies before my very eyes?!”
Just because you time traveled here from the 1890s doesn’t mean everyone has to explain every little thing to you.
“Has it ever driven you to a social event?”
You already know the answer.
“How much did you pay?”
This may come off as insulting to people whose daddies bought their cars.
“Is that the famous fart-sound car?”
Tesla owners hate it when you ask them repeatedly about that feature and absolutely none other.
“Is it true that your car comes equipped with certain special features?”
Tesla owners are famously humble and would really prefer to just drive their car from point A to point B without having to show it off all the time.
“It does something hilarious if you crush it in a compactor.”
To be fair, not all Tesla owners have the same incredible sense of humor as Mr. Musk himself.
“We’re building affordable housing in your neighborhood.”
This will inevitably send the owner into a fit of blind rage.
“I think that guy is stealing your car.”
Hey, they purchased a Tesla. They deserve whatever happens to them.