Things You Should Never Text Your Ex After A Breakup

Things You Should Never Text Your Ex After A Breakup

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It may be tempting to reach out, but that restraining order is no joke. Here are several things you should never text your ex after a breakup.

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“What has many keys but can’t open a lock?”

“What has many keys but can’t open a lock?”

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The painful period after a breakup is stressful enough without someone popping in to challenge one’s wits.

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“Here is a picture of the person I am currently having sex with.”

“Here is a picture of the person I am currently having sex with.”

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While you would obviously only ever send this for informational purposes, there is a slight chance your ex could interpret it as you trying to rub in how quickly you’ve moved on.

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“Hey, your passport finally came in the mail for you”

“Hey, your passport finally came in the mail for you”

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Are you crazy?! No contact means no contact. Throw it in the trash.

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“The McRib could be year round, but they keep it limited to create artificial demand.”

“The McRib could be year round, but they keep it limited to create artificial demand.”

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That’s just cruel.

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“I’ve got my head wedged in the claw machine again.”

“I’ve got my head wedged in the claw machine again.”

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Nice try, but they know it’s just a lie to get them to come running back.

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“I’m your Dad now, son.”

“I’m your Dad now, son.”

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Unless you’re prepared to legally adopt them, texting your ex this is just weird.

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“Panang curry medium spicy with chicken.”

“Panang curry medium spicy with chicken.”

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If it’s over, they no longer care that you finally decided what to order tonight for dinner.

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“Please give me my clothes. I’m so cold.”

“Please give me my clothes. I’m so cold.”

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You should have thought ahead and known that your ex would keep all of your clothes before you broke it off.

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“Did Kruschev really bang shoe at UN?”

“Did Kruschev really bang shoe at UN?”

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Siri misunderstood your command and accidentally texted your ex again.

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“I’d like to give sex and nothing else another try.”

“I’d like to give sex and nothing else another try.”

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Coming out and saying you’re just interested in the physical part of your relationship is a surefire way to ensure that never actually happens.

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“Even though it didn’t work out, I think you’re the best partner I’ve ever had. And you’re a great cook.”

“Even though it didn’t work out, I think you’re the best partner I’ve ever had. And you’re a great cook.”

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Your ex wants to hate you, stop being nice.

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“This is President Joe Biden, and we’re looking to take back the Senate from the Republicans. Can you pitch in $20 in our fight to save America?”

“This is President Joe Biden, and we’re looking to take back the Senate from the Republicans. Can you pitch in $20 in our fight to save America?”

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Leave it alone, Joe.

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“Step up your instant ramen game by simply adding a soft-boiled egg and hoisin-marinated pork belly!”

“Step up your instant ramen game by simply adding a soft-boiled egg and hoisin-marinated pork belly!”

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If they wanted your advice, they would ask for it.

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“The entire time we were dating, I was having sex with you.”

“The entire time we were dating, I was having sex with you.”

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This misguided attempt to hurt your partner is likely to only confuse and irritate them further.

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“Got a free ticket to go see Bruno Mars.”

“Got a free ticket to go see Bruno Mars.”

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Sure, you both love Bruno’s soulful stylings. God that little guy can absolutely belt it. But it’s going to be awkward when “When I Was Your Man” comes on.

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“Are you still down to have kids or is that off too?”

“Are you still down to have kids or is that off too?”

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Chances are that if they don’t want to date you, they probably aren’t interested in raising a family either.

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“I’ve changed so much since we’ve broken up.”

“I’ve changed so much since we’ve broken up.”

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Yes, it is true, but it’s against the werewolf code to tell any humans what you are now.

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“When are you coming back to the altar?”

“When are you coming back to the altar?”

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Chances are they’re already boarding a flight to Spain and it’s too late to convince them to change their mind.

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