Things Your Therapist Is Legally Obligated To Report To The Police

If you at any point during a session reveal that you are a danger to yourself, your therapist is obligated to make sure you get the jail time you deserve.

According to federal law, therapists must immediately notify the police if a client discloses feeling a little off or sort of confused about stuff.

Police are always looking to expand their musical horizons, so therapists frequently inform them of new bands clients have really been digging lately.

Let’s just say, if an officer finds out you are screwing around with his wife, both you and your therapist are going to jail.

Unfortunately, many mental health professionals get kickbacks from major film studios for reporting intellectual property theft.

It’s at your therapist’s discretion whether or not to report you, even if the corpse isn’t someone you killed.

Luckily, by the time the report reaches the authorities, you’ll already be long gone with 45 minutes of free therapy under your belt.

Federal law requires mental health professionals to file paperwork to find out if the officer likes you back.

Therapists are obliged to report any and all boring people to the proper authorities so they can avoid sitting through your excruciatingly dull witness statement in the event of a crime.

Keep forking over that copay, bucko, or you’re going straight to the slammer.

How else are cops supposed to know who is worth shaking down?

An incredibly disturbing and unhealthy behavior that is often cause for immediate alarm.

The reporting of this rests heavily on whether your therapist thinks God is real or not.

While not a crime, per se, it wouldn’t hurt to have you on a list somewhere.

Looks like you found the perfect lookout for your bank robbery.

Therapists are taught from day one to take any mention of masturbation extremely seriously.

That’s the silent alarm which means you just called the cops on yourself.

They can be temperamental if there’s background noise or you cough or something.