PALO ALTO, CA—Expressing their deep dissatisfaction with the government’s unfair treatment of their favorite online outlet for self-expression, thousands of Onion Social users took to the streets Friday and burned effigies of embattled CEO Jeremy Rosenbaum in a massive show of support for the company. “Everybody here at Onion Social is deeply moved that this is happening,” said public relations liaison Jennifer Hughes, praising the demonstrators for their time investment and their attention to detail in creating the noose-wearing likenesses of Rosenbaum from papier machĂ©. “When Jeremy started Onion Social, he never imagined his little website would bring so many different people together, but looking out at the grounds of our headquarters today is a real revelation. Seeing thousands of Americans from all walks of life working together to string up Jeremy’s likeness, spark kindling into flame, cheer the burning mannequin with one united voice, and, once the flames have died down, tear apart the charred remains of our founder—it frankly brought a tear to my eye.” Hughes gave special thanks to Rosenbaum’s many Chicago supporters, who decided to “get the party started” Friday morning by driving a festive car bomb into the reception area of an Onion Social satellite office.

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