Thrilled BlackRock Announces Purchase Of 800,000th Dream Home

Illustration for article titled Thrilled BlackRock Announces Purchase Of 800,000th Dream Home

FRANKLIN, TN—Gushing that they never imagined they would find a dwelling that fit all their needs and desires, thrilled investment firm BlackRock reportedly announced Friday the purchase of its 800,000th dream home. “We’ve always wanted to own a 475,000th home with granite countertops and a big backyard, and we’re all just completely over the moon that we managed to find it,” said BlackRock CEO Larry Fink, adding that the company couldn’t believe its luck in managing to get 16 houses on a quiet, tree-lined street in one of Nashville’s choicest suburban subdivisions. “We were a little nervous because there were six families submitting bids for the home as well, but fortunately we’d stashed away a few trillion dollars that we could fall back on to win the bidding war. Of course, there’s always that voice in the back of your head saying ‘Was this the right decision? Should we have tried to accelerate the economic conditions that forced the family who lived there to lose their home earlier, when the market would have been even more favorable?’ But you can’t think like that, you’ll drive yourself crazy. Ultimately we’re so happy to find our 800,000th dream home, and we hope it stays in the company for generations. Plus, it’s in a great school district.” BlackRock also said that their dream house represented a great long-term investment strategy even if they decided not to move in right away, as research shows that owning a home and renting it out is one of the top ways a company can accumulate other people’s wealth.