Hey there, young gamers! We know you look to OGN for the latest news and commentary for all things gaming-related, but now that you’re getting a little older, it’s time for us to have a bit of a different conversation. So hunker down, because it’s time to talk about how sex is like a wonderful co-op game with someone you love.
We know, we know, you youngsters might be feeling a little squeamish hearing this from some stodgy ol’ digital media gaming publication, but we’d rather you learn about it from us than from some irresponsible game like Leisure Suit Larry. So here goes.
What is sex? Well, the best way to explain it is that it’s an intimate activity that you share with a partner, not unlike a cooperative video game, like say Overcooked or A Way Out, except even more amazing because you’re sharing it with someone you really care about.
And just like a co-op game where you’re working together to achieve a common goal, the two of you will be embarking on an exciting and immersive adventure, but the only objective is learning how to give your partner pleasure as you discover each others’ bodies.
How do you find a co-op sex partner, though? Well, we’re sure that by this point you’ve begun to notice changes in your body, and even started to see fellow young gamers in a way you didn’t before. Don’t worry, this is called puberty: it’s a natural part of becoming an adult. You can think about it like leveling up in Destiny 2 or Monster Hunter Online. And puberty grants you the incredible perk of sexual attraction, which lets you search out the perfect co-op partner for you!
Of course, if you’re feeling nervous, or like you’re not ready for this experience yet, that’s also perfectly normal! You can figure out what you like and don’t like through the act of masturbation, which can best be described as a tutorial mode for your genitals. Take your time exploring this new world and getting in touch with the controls to see what works for you before you move on to the more challenging stages.
So, gamers, before you decide to have sex, take the precautions you would before booting up a new co-op game: make sure it’s with a partner you know and trust, agree on any mods before going in, and above all, communicate, communicate, communicate. Follow these tips and you’ll be fucking your brains out in no time!