CHICAGO—While wandering the city streets and marveling at the strange, futuristic wonders around him, Peter Haas, a time-traveler from the year 2008, was said to have become profoundly unnerved Wednesday by a passing pedestrian wearing a Google Glass unit and smoking an e-cigarette. “Whoa, what the hell was that?” said a visibly rattled Haas, who went on to wonder if he was in fact in late 2014 or if he had been mistakenly vaulted much farther ahead in time, to an age when fully functioning computer systems rest on people’s faces and robotic, odorless cigarettes are enjoyed by the masses. “Do disposable cigarettes even exist anymore? Did society do away with the handheld devices of my era? Ah, no, I see someone with one over there. Wait—did his phone just speak back to him? My God!" At press time, sources reported that a distraught Haas was scrambling to travel back to his home year after coming to the horrifying realization that three Transformers sequels had been actually been greenlit, filmed, and released since his time.

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