America's Finest News Source.
We may earn a commission from links on this page.
America's Finest News Source.

Timeline Of Russia-Ukraine Conflict

We may earn a commission from links on this page.
Image for article titled Timeline Of Russia-Ukraine Conflict

Russia’s military buildup on Ukraine’s border has stoked the threat of war, the latest escalation in a long historical conflict. The Onion looks at key moments in the timeline of the Russia-Ukraine conflict.

988: Medieval empire Kyivan Rus’ accepts Christianity, inspiring 1,000 years of peace, kindness, and generosity.

1930: Soviet central planning helps quadruple industrial output in Ukraine, which is terrific news for the survivors.

Advertisement

1968: A teenage Vladimir Putin vows to get even after a Ukrainian muscleman kicks sand in his eyes and steals his girlfriend.

1986: Ukraine tries and fails to make itself undesirable to invaders with Chernobyl nuclear power plant meltdown.

Advertisement

1991: Ukrainians insist they need some space from Russia after the collapse of the USSR to figure their own shit out.

2004: Ukrainian Orange Revolution begins following Syracuse’s upset loss to Alabama in the Sweet 16.

Advertisement

2010: Russia extends olive branch by inviting Ukraine to participate in their doping scheme ahead of the 2012 Summer Olympics.

2014: Russia annexes Crimean Peninsula on grounds that it’s facing a dire shortage of peninsulas.

Advertisement

2021: Russia builds up military presence on Ukrainian border, stoking fears that Russia will continue to build up military presence on Ukrainian border.