Timeline Of Thanksgiving

Illustration for article titled Timeline Of Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is one of America’s oldest and most cherished cultural traditions. The Onion looks back at the history of Thanksgiving.

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1621:

First Thanksgiving features the Pilgrims inviting the Wampanoag tribe to dinner and awkwardly asking them what they’ve been up to for the past year.


1622:

Native Americans begin to understand the Pilgrims’ show of goodwill was sort of a one-time thing.


1803:

Louisiana Purchase begins the westward expansion of the U.S., setting the stage for generations of Americans to lie that they can’t afford to travel home for Thanksgiving.

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1863:

Abraham Lincoln declares Thanksgiving a national holiday in an attempt to unite a divided country by redirecting everyone’s hatred toward their families.

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1924:

Macy’s hosts its inaugural Thanksgiving Day Parade, debuting the classic balloon staples of Snoopy, Spider-Man, and Homer Simpson.

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1974:

Elementary school teacher Mary Linn stumbles onto crafting gold by asking her students to trace their little hands for turkeys.

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1980:

Bears 23, Lions 17.


1990:

The first turkey ever pardoned, by President George H.W. Bush in 1989, kills a mother and her two children in a drunk-driving accident.

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2003:

Fourth-grader Michael Turner led to believe the Pilgrims and Native Americans really hit it off.

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2018:

Thanks given for QAnon.

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