As over 50 million students return for a new school year, the U.S. education system faces of a number of technological, philosophical, and financial challenges. The Onion looks at important events in the history of the American education system.


1635-present:

American education system in crisis.


1636:

Harvard University opens its doors to the first and only group of students whose parents didn’t go there.

Advertisement


1793:

First “Do you like me?” note passed in class.


1814:

A prototype of the first mechanical pencil kills over 50 in Brooklyn.


1911:

Maria Montessori opens a new type of school designed to develop the self-importance of parents.

Advertisement


1954:

Bullying desegregated.


1968:

Race traitors in Congress pass the Bilingual Education Act.


1988:

Mr. Thomas told Dan he couldn’t go to the bathroom so he just stood up and pissed his pants in front of the entire class.

Advertisement


2015:

Damning report finds majority of charter schools falling behind other kinds of businesses in generating profits.

Advertisement


2018:

Majority of students just hoping crush notices them and school shooter doesn’t.

Advertisement