Founded in 1828, the Democratic Party has been one of America’s two major political parties for most of the nation’s existence. The Onion presents a timeline of the party that currently holds a minority of offices at both the federal and state levels.
1865:
The Civil War marks the end of Republicans caring about black people and the beginning of Democrats pretending to care.
1892:
Grover Cleveland becomes the first and only president to be elected to two nonconsecutive terms. He was also a Democrat. So, you know, that’s something.
1920:
Alfred E. Smith becomes the first Catholic to receive the Democratic nomination for president, representing Democrats’ growing tolerance of the Devil.
1932:
Democrats enact the New Deal, a novel program in American government with the purpose of serving the interests of their constituents.
1945:
President Harry S. Truman becomes the only world leader to ever, as of the time of this writing, use nuclear weapons in war.
1955:
Democrats begin a record run of 26 years controlling both houses of Congress, giving them more than enough time to get everything right.
1960:
John F. Kennedy makes history by becoming the first physically attractive Democratic presidential candidate.
1976:
Jimmy Carter elected president, ushering in weeks of peace and prosperity.
2007:
Senator John Edwards has an affair while his wife is dying of cancer. That’s not really a major political event, but it was fucked up.
2008:
Barack Obama makes history as America’s last Democratic president.
2016:
Democratic strategists agree that nothing could have been done to stop the inevitable election of superb candidate Donald Trump.
2020:
You already know they’re going to fuck it up somehow.