Founded in 1828, the Democratic Party has been one of America’s two major political parties for most of the nation’s existence. The Onion presents a timeline of the party that currently holds a minority of offices at both the federal and state levels.


1865:

The Civil War marks the end of Republicans caring about black people and the beginning of Democrats pretending to care.


1892:

Grover Cleveland becomes the first and only president to be elected to two nonconsecutive terms. He was also a Democrat. So, you know, that’s something.

Advertisement


1920:

Alfred E. Smith becomes the first Catholic to receive the Democratic nomination for president, representing Democrats’ growing tolerance of the Devil.

Advertisement


1932:

Democrats enact the New Deal, a novel program in American government with the purpose of serving the interests of their constituents.

Advertisement


1945:

President Harry S. Truman becomes the only world leader to ever, as of the time of this writing, use nuclear weapons in war.

Advertisement


1955:

Democrats begin a record run of 26 years controlling both houses of Congress, giving them more than enough time to get everything right.

Advertisement


1960:

John F. Kennedy makes history by becoming the first physically attractive Democratic presidential candidate.

Advertisement


1976:

Jimmy Carter elected president, ushering in weeks of peace and prosperity.


2007:

Senator John Edwards has an affair while his wife is dying of cancer. That’s not really a major political event, but it was fucked up.

Advertisement


2008:

Barack Obama makes history as America’s last Democratic president.


2016:

Democratic strategists agree that nothing could have been done to stop the inevitable election of superb candidate Donald Trump.

Advertisement


2020:

You already know they’re going to fuck it up somehow.

Advertisement