Founded in 1828, the Democratic Party has been one of America’s two major political parties for most of the nation’s existence. The Onion presents a timeline of the party that currently holds a minority of offices at both the federal and state levels.
The Civil War marks the end of Republicans caring about black people and the beginning of Democrats pretending to care.
Grover Cleveland becomes the first and only president to be elected to two nonconsecutive terms. He was also a Democrat. So, you know, that’s something.
Alfred E. Smith becomes the first Catholic to receive the Democratic nomination for president, representing Democrats’ growing tolerance of the Devil.
Democrats enact the New Deal, a novel program in American government with the purpose of serving the interests of their constituents.
President Harry S. Truman becomes the only world leader to ever, as of the time of this writing, use nuclear weapons in war.
Democrats begin a record run of 26 years controlling both houses of Congress, giving them more than enough time to get everything right.
John F. Kennedy makes history by becoming the first physically attractive Democratic presidential candidate.
Jimmy Carter elected president, ushering in weeks of peace and prosperity.
Senator John Edwards has an affair while his wife is dying of cancer. That’s not really a major political event, but it was fucked up.
Barack Obama makes history as America’s last Democratic president.
Democratic strategists agree that nothing could have been done to stop the inevitable election of superb candidate Donald Trump.
You already know they’re going to fuck it up somehow.