Parent-teacher conferences can be a valuable way to foster a better learning environment for children both in and outside of the classroom. The Onion offers tips to both teachers and parents for making the most of this meeting.


Begin by acknowledging there’s more than enough blame to go around.


Teachers can create a comfortable, relaxing environment by removing anything from the room that will remind parents of their kid.


Teachers should pick a fight with the largest parent to exert their dominance.


Parents must be prepared to respond to any mention of their child’s troubling behavior by crossing their arms and saying, “That doesn’t sound like Jacob at all.”

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Worried parents should remember that sexting technically counts as a type of writing.


Educators should avoid using too much educational jargon with the parents, like “AR-15” or “ballistic trauma.”

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Parents should be crystal-clear with one another before inviting a teacher to their bedroom.


It’s absolutely imperative that both teacher and parents do their best to not let on that they have no idea what the hell they’re doing.

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