It’s always best to begin by addressing the concrete slights against you before moving on to abstract or imagined ones.


Each grievance should be constructive. You are not just trying to embarrass your loved ones, you are trying to shame them into being better people.

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Spread your grievances evenly across family members, lest any one of them get the mistaken idea that they less worthy of scorn and contempt.


Make any new in-laws feel welcomed to the family by coming up with some complaints to level against them as well.

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Wind down the evening by disparaging all who didn’t openly feel bad for you during the previous few hours of contention.


A Festivus for the rest of us. Watch the Festivus episode of Seinfeld every night the week of 12/19. Check local listings.

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