Illustration for article titled Tips For Conquering Phobias

Even the most rational, clear-thinking adults can have anxieties that interfere with their routine, and learning to manage them is key to living a life free from fear. Here are The Onion’s tips for conquering your phobias:

  • Before beginning any treatment, ask yourself if you really want to get rid of the one thing that makes you special.
  • Empower yourself! Keep a short list handy of all the things that don’t scare you.
  • Build your coping skills by going up a “fear ladder.” First, look at pictures of dentists. Then, look at a dentist through a window. Next, slowly approach one and pat him gently on the head, staying away from the ears and mouth. Soon, you’ll find yourself passing dentists on the street without fear.
  • Make an appointment either with a psychologist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy or a psychiatrist who prescribes a whole bunch of pills.
  • Learn some relaxation techniques for when you feel anxious, like slowly inhaling and exhaling chloroform.
  • Remember, the engineers who designed the bridge are just as scared of you driving over it as you are.

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