If you witness an altercation unfolding, quickly gauge the likeliest victor before jumping in to defend them.
Speaking in a calm, measured tone will let your coworkers know you’re a calculating sociopath rather than a hot-tempered but ultimately reasonable person.
Take a step back and honestly assess whether repeatedly stealing your supervisor’s laptop might have contributed to the situation at hand.
Enlist a neutral third party to act as a mediator after slipping them some Benjamins and whispering that you sure hope things go your way.
Don’t let raw emotions drive your decision-making. Instead, sever the limbic system from the cerebrum.