Tips For Keeping Your Energy Bills Down

Illustration for article titled Tips For Keeping Your Energy Bills Down

Extreme heat during the summer means many households will face months of skyrocketing energy bills. Here are some tips for saving energy and keeping your monthly bill reasonable:

  • Air-drying all of your laundry is an easy way to make sure your clothes feel uncomfortable and look like shit
  • Cool your body naturally by lowering your pulse to 10 beats per minute
  • Unplug your devices during the 30 minutes per day you are not using them
  • Stuff unused power outlets with paper towels and Kleenex to prevent electricity from escaping from the holes
  • Refer to power as “juice”
  • Explain to the maidens who fan you with giant palm fronds that hard times mean a slight reduction in wages
  • Switch off your distortion pedal to save electricity and let the warm, clean tone of your Fender Jazzmaster shine through
  • Look for tanning beds that have earned the Energy Star label
  • Gently remind family members that the special lamp they use for their seasonal affective disorder is only really intended for winter
  • Disconnect all appliances to lower your electricity use and to prevent the government from monitoring your thoughts