Record heat has hit parts of the Pacific Northwest as part of a general trend of global warming, putting people unused to such extreme heat in potential danger. The Onion offers helpful tips for staying safe during a heat wave.
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- To protect your skin, use UV protection like a house with an air conditioner.
- Check on any friends and family members too self-conscious to wear shorts.
- Avoid two-alarm chili or higher.
- Your elderly neighbors might need extra help, so be sure your walls are nice and soundproof.
- Avoid strenuous exercise—let Netflix autoplay the next episode for you.
- Escape the sun by burying yourself in the ground.
- If you or a loved one starts showing symptoms of a heat stroke, stay calm and cool off with a refreshing 7-Eleven Peach Perfect Slurpee™.
- Ensure your car windows are properly tinted to block busybodies from noticing your pets left inside.