A bachelorette party is a fun way to make the bride feel special before her big day. Here are The Onion’s tips for throwing an unforgettable bachelorette bash:

  • Due to the complex logistics of organizing such a party, it’s important that, before finalizing any bookings, you carefully double-check that she still wants to marry this fucking loser.
  • Keep the party small, as you’ll want a limited number of witnesses for the bride-to-be’s transgressions.
  • Designate someone to take lots of candid photos throughout the party so everyone can remember how fun the bride was before she got married.
  • Choose your guest list carefully, as any Chippendales performers will be part of the karaoke room’s total headcount.
  • Raucous giggling fits are strongly recommended whenever the party is on its way from one location to another.
  • Vet potential attendees by lower body strength. You don’t want anyone on the beer trolley who isn’t pulling their own weight.
  • Don’t cram too much into the schedule of events. You’ll want to set aside some time for everyone to dwell on the fact that they themselves haven’t found anyone.
  • Let the whole town know you’re getting crazy tonight by ditching the tiara for a beard of bees.
  • Always wait at least five seconds after the bride leaves the room before complaining about the cost of all this shit.