Tired Man Can’t Deal With Chipper Frosted Mini Wheats Box So Early In The Morning

Illustration for article titled Tired Man Can’t Deal With Chipper Frosted Mini Wheats Box So Early In The Morning

SEATTLE—Grumbling about having to engage in such a lively interaction at this hour, local man Chris Wilson was reportedly too tired to deal with his chipper, overly energetic Frosted Mini Wheats box so early in the morning. “Christ, I just woke up, and already this loud orange box is screaming at me about how it’s frosted just right and there’s a crunch in every bite,” said Wilson, confirming his annoyance with the numerous anthropomorphic cereal pieces zooming in every direction and bragging about their nutritional benefits. “I don’t want to be rude, but it’s 6:30 a.m. and the last thing I want to do is hear about how much fiber they have or solve a bunch of little word puzzles like they’re asking me to.” At press time, Wilson was taking enormous satisfaction in tearing apart the cereal box and throwing it in the recycling bin.