CHESANING, MI—Noting that it was her right as an American citizen to decide when and where she would urinate and defecate, 3-year-old Madison Ackrite told reporters Wednesday that she was simply exercising her constitutionally guaranteed freedom of choice when she refused to use the potty. “My decision to pee-pee and poo-poo in the place of my choosing is a private health decision,” said Ackrite, noting that there was still a lot she didn’t know about the potty, and until she had done enough research to satisfy her concerns, she would continue to relieve herself in her pull-up diapers, as was her right in accordance with the rule of law. “Unlike a lot of the kids in my daycare, I am not a sheep. If you want to use the potty, that is your personal choice, and no one is stopping you. All I ask is that you respect my decision, which is based on my personal belief that I hate going to the potty. I hate it, hate it, hate it!” At press time, Ackrite refused to answer whether or not she had emptied her bowels on the living room floor, arguing that her refusal to divulge such information was protected by the courts.
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