Some people say The Onion may have too much integrity for the Pulitzer Board to award it a prize. What do you think?
“Whoa, hold on, that is grossly inaccurate! All people say that, not just some.”
Paula Danky • Systems Analyst
“True, but The Onion also has more conviction, sense, class, and moral character than the Pulitzer Board, so it’s hard to know which deficiency is responsible for the prize committee’s cowardly negligence in award-giving year in and year out.”
Danny Hinzo • Hair Stylist
“Probably. Integrity is like beauty: too little and nobody will look at you, too much and everybody wants to fuck you.”
Lou Smallwood • Water Tender