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2 / 14
Always Keep The Fridge Stocked With Cold Beer
Always Keep The Fridge Stocked With Cold Beer
Our brother-in-law moved in after a nasty divorce and failed custody battle. Anyways, he’s “in recovery” so apparently that means no one in the freaking house is allowed to crack open a cold one because it’s not “supportive.”
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3 / 14
No Shoes
No Shoes
No Shoes: Sorry, this is our wife’s rule for the whole house.
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4 / 14
Junk Food Only
Junk Food Only
Junk Food Only: After the doctor found a three inch tapeworm in our small intestine, we had to revert to a diet that included fruits and leafy greens.
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5 / 14
Fortune Telling Is Illegal
Fortune Telling Is Illegal
Fortune Telling Is Illegal: To be totally honest, this is a pretty antiquated statute from old times when there was a lot of anti-divination hysteria going around the man cave.
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6 / 14
Employees Shall Not Enter Bins, Silos, Or Tanks Underneath A Bridging Condition, Or Where A Buildup Of Grain Products On The Sides Could Fall And Bury Them
Employees Shall Not Enter Bins, Silos, Or Tanks Underneath A Bridging Condition, Or Where A Buildup Of Grain Products On The Sides Could Fall And Bury Them
A real man can admit when he’s wrong, and we’re man enough to admit those deaths could have been prevented.
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7 / 14
No Women
No Women
No Women: We’ve never had to enforce this rule but it still stands!
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8 / 14
Do Not Roughhouse Near The Shelf Of First-Edition James Baldwins
Do Not Roughhouse Near The Shelf Of First-Edition James Baldwins
Our oak shelf filled with first editions of most of the seminal writer Baldwin’s oeuvre, including Giovanni’s Room, If Beale Street Could Talk, and our rare No Name In The Street, is one of our man cave’s most treasured possessions. We thought we were crystal clear that there was no rough play allowed anywhere near the vicinity of the mint-condition Notes Of A Native Son. However, this year our wayward son, Rufus, high-energy child that he is, played ball too close to the shelves. We were remiss in repeating our warnings, believing that the stated rule was enough, and roughhouse young Rufus did, causing a small unsightly tear on the cover of The Fire Next Time.
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9 / 14
No Muslims
No Muslims
This has been a foundational principle of our man cave since 2006. Then we find out Mark’s brother-in-law Eric is actually Erach or some shit and his family is from Iran. Even though he’s apparently not practicing that’s the last time we make that mistake.
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10 / 14
This Is A Bullshit-Free Zone
This Is A Bullshit-Free Zone
We try to be open minded, but we’ve humored Doug’s nonsense about Tadao Ando being the most influential architect of the 20th century for too long. His austere simplicity may have been impactful, and he’s rightfully celebrated, but Corbusier’s reach was far greater, no matter how controversial his urbanist ideas may have been.
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11 / 14
No Chemical Weapons
No Chemical Weapons
Our man cave adheres to all international laws regarding the manufacture, distribution, and deployment of chemical weapons—no ifs, ands, or buts. You drop even a single vial of white phosphorus in the man cave, and we’re gonna ask you to leave. Only this year, we were having such a good time at Brock’s Free At Last party that things got out of hand, and Wally busted out some sarin gas, and we didn’t say anything since we didn’t want to crush the mood. But since then, mustard gas and bromobenzyl cyanide have become all too common among the man cave’s regular guests, and we don’t want anyone to get hurt, or have to face the International Criminal Court in the Hague. So in 2021, we’re going back to our strict policy against chemical weapons.
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12 / 14
Follow Your Dreams
Follow Your Dreams
Sometimes we all lose our bearings during this one crazy life. The Man Cave originated as a space for us guys to kick back, pop a brew, and share our divine masculine energy with one another, to indulge our loftiest aspirations without fear of judgment. We need to guide and support one another better moving forward. We need to fly.
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13 / 14
Never Touch My Remote!
Never Touch My Remote!
This may seem like a small infraction, but the fine line of law and order is a fickle thing, a frayed tightrope over the yawning maw of sheer chaos and humanity’s most heinous instincts. Because we failed to muster the vigilance needed to hold back the tides of lawlessness, the edifice of order collapsed before our eyes, leaving us to comb through the ashes of a major fire that destroyed our man cave, leaving thousands of dollars of property damage and three close buds dead.
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All slides
- Top 12 Rules For Our Man Cave That Were Too Laxly Enforced In 2020
- Always Keep The Fridge Stocked With Cold Beer
- No Shoes
- Junk Food Only
- Fortune Telling Is Illegal
- Employees Shall Not Enter Bins, Silos, Or Tanks Underneath A Bridging Condition, Or Where A Buildup Of Grain Products On The Sides Could Fall And Bury Them
- No Women
- Do Not Roughhouse Near The Shelf Of First-Edition James Baldwins
- No Muslims
- This Is A Bullshit-Free Zone
- No Chemical Weapons
- Follow Your Dreams
- Never Touch My Remote!