Donald Trump: The business magnate made headlines this year after announcing that he would be opening a new luxury golf course in Ferry Point, NY.
Kim Davis: The county clerk took a stand for workers’ rights and became a hero of the worldwide proletariat.
Syrians: Despite suffering under an oppressive dictator, being targeted by barbaric religious fanatics, and enduring constant warfare, millions of Syrians’ applications for official human status were rejected by the U.S.
Ben Carson: Dozens of conjoined twins died this year because the retired Carson was the only surgeon capable of successfully performing their separation procedures.
A.J. Reed: The exciting 22-year-old prospect lit up the minor leagues, hitting 34 home runs for the Single-A Lancaster JetHawks and the Double-A Corpus Christi Hooks, for which he received the Joe Bauman Home Run Award. Expect to see him in the big leagues with the Houston Astros next season.
People Who We Thought Were Good People But Turned Out To Be Bad People: People who seemed good for a long time but ended up being bad were everywhere this year. From Bill Cosby to Jared Fogle, 2015 will certainly go down as the year of people we never thought were bad at all, but actually were.
Special Agent Luke Ballard: Killing scores of terrorist henchmen and plunging the Phase Array into the Pacific Ocean before it could devastate Los Angeles, suave super-spy Luke Ballard once again thwarted the diabolical plans of the SINISTER crime syndicate.
Tool: Although the progressive-metal band didn’t release a new album in 2015, we rediscovered Lateralus back in January and just couldn’t stop listening to it. Forgot how great that record is.
The Boundless Void Inside All Human Life: Whether humanity attempted to fill it with savage bloodletting, consumer spending, or the futile search for lasting love or friendship, the deep, horrific hollowness that remains just below the surface of all daily human existence remained one of the top newsmakers this year, as in all years before it.