Prom season is a time for high school students to plan elaborate proposals, shop for fashionable formalwear, and arrange blowout events in the effort to make prom a night to remember. Here are this year’s most popular prom trends:

  • Live streaming feed for students who couldn’t get date
  • Moment of silence to honor our fallen heroes overseas
  • “The Centaur” replacing “Rabbit Redux” as this year’s most popular John Updike–based prom theme
  • Adult chaperones given two minutes at start of dance to explain why exactly they chose to spend night off doing this
  • Cash bar for dates 21 and over
  • Viennese Waltz continues to supplant American-style tango as preeminent dance
  • King and queen required to break at least five social boundaries in order to be crowned
  • More DJs ending night with special father-son dance
  • After-party held right in lobby of hospital ER
  • Many students are following up their prom experience with unprotected intercourse