CRAGLORN, TAMRIEL—Dusting off his hands with satisfaction before starting again on his path through the Dragontail Mountains, sources confirmed Monday that online RPG townsperson Geldrion Treehelm remained confident his earthly possessions of an iron shield and 221 gold pieces were safe and secure inside an old barrel. “There, that ought to do it,” Treehelm reportedly said to himself as he set the loose-fitting wooden lid back onto the barrel now stuffed with the entirety of his hard-earned fortune, pushing the unsecured cask into the dimmest corner of the room so as to render it completely innocuous and ensure its contents would never be plundered by any travelers wandering the area. “Even if I encounter some thieves on my way through the mountain pass, all I have to do is come back to this barrel and regain all my wealth and weaponry. Talk about clever. With this kind of quick thinking, it’s no wonder I’m already a level 43.” At press time, sources confirmed that while his quest was bound to be a harrowing one, Treehelm himself was not at all worried about the mortal dangers he’d face, equipped as he was with his loyal Mudcrab pet, a strip of leather, and a book of lore.

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