Travelers React To Nationwide Flight Cancellations

Travelers React To Nationwide Flight Cancellations

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Staff shortages at airlines, weather delays, and a spike in holiday travel have left many travelers struggling to take long-overdue vacations and make visits home. The Onion asked travelers how they felt about the nationwide delays, and this is what they said.

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Charles Lopez (TV Executive)

Charles Lopez (TV Executive)

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“It’s keeping me away from my family, and that is a beautiful thing.”

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Tina Chen (Flight Attendant)

Tina Chen (Flight Attendant)

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“Hell yeah! Two more craaaazy nights in Boise, baby!!”

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Keena Woodruff (Best Buy Employee)

Keena Woodruff (Best Buy Employee)

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“I firmly believe that if you paid for a flight, you are entitled to take that flight, plane or no plane.”

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Stan Peltier (Accountant)

Stan Peltier (Accountant)

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“​I know there’s not much anyone can do about it, but it ​still ​felt good to ​make a gate agent cry​.”

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​Sara Eastman (Student)

​Sara Eastman (Student)

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“I love that it counts as an attempt to visit my parents but without me having to actually see them.”​

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German Valero (Banker)

German Valero (Banker)

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“I guess we’ll all have to settle for riding atop giant birds instead.”

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Mary Kekich (Registered Nurse)

Mary Kekich (Registered Nurse)

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“Who knew that underpaid, overworked skeleton crews could not live up to the endless promises of soulless corporations?”

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Ivan French (Courier)

Ivan French (Courier)

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“Never getting to your destination is just part of traveling.”

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Danny Frey (Hertz Customer Service Representative)

Danny Frey (Hertz Customer Service Representative)

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“Just wanted to let you know we’re out of rental cars too.”

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Misty Blanca (Court Reporter)

Misty Blanca (Court Reporter)

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“When you factor in all the packing and all the waiting, I can probably walk just as quickly as a plane can fly.”

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Federico Lopez (UX Designer)

Federico Lopez (UX Designer)

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“That’s okay. I’m sure my grandmother can wait another day or two to die.”

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Darla Kemp (Publicist)

Darla Kemp (Publicist)

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“It’s disappointing, because ever since 9/11, air travel has been entirely delightful and stress-free.”

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West Bundley (Foreman)

West Bundley (Foreman)

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“I’m a simple man: As long as I have my knapsack and my trusty harmonica, I’ll still be able to ride the rails all the way to Reno.”

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Marianne Southpointe (Psychiatrist)

Marianne Southpointe (Psychiatrist)

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“Given the understaffing issue, I think this is warranted. I wouldn’t feel safe having three, rather than four, flight attendants serving in-flight beverages.”

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Lucas Herrera (Entrepreneur)

Lucas Herrera (Entrepreneur)

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“I guess I’ll have to cause a scene onboard something else.”

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Thomas Jackson (Doctor)

Thomas Jackson (Doctor)

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“I mainly only book flights for the chance to hang out in airport Burger Kings, so I don’t really mind that much.”

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Clarence Jones (Dermatologist)

Clarence Jones (Dermatologist)

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“I can’t stand the thought of my suitcase enjoying Sacramento without me.”

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Ulma Sanderson (Carpenter)

Ulma Sanderson (Carpenter)

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“If the free market doesn’t want me visiting Cedar Rapids, then it wasn’t meant to be.”

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Bianca Hicks (Garden Designer)

Bianca Hicks (Garden Designer)

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“My friends told me I’d get my heart broken if I trusted Delta Air Lines again.”

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Mark Stevenson (Electrician)

Mark Stevenson (Electrician)

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“Like most Americans, I have nothing to do and nowhere to go, so I’m not sure what the problem is.”

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