Trick-Or-Treating Dangers Every Parent Should Watch Out For

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Remember, if your child dies on Halloween, they also die in real life. Here are some of the most terrifying trick-or-treating dangers every parent should watch out for.

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Kids Who Have Much Better Halloween Costumes Than Your Child

All it takes is one friend in an intricately designed Thor costume, and all of a sudden the Superman T-shirt you bought your child isn’t good enough.

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The Depressing Realization That Kids Don’t Really Trick-Or-Treat Anymore

What happened? When you were a kid, the streets were packed. Then it moved to the malls, and now the malls are gone too. Are kids allowed to be innocent anymore?

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Candy That Is Attached To A Screenplay

Some people like to use Halloween as an opportunity to promote their 120-page seriocomic historical drama. Parents should politely return the script before their impressionable child gets any ideas about a film career.

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Unexploded Landmines

Concealed ordinance can lie undetonated for decades, so when planning your trick-or-treating route, steer clear of high-risk neighborhoods built on WWI battlefields.

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Kids Receiving Gillette Fusion Shaving Blades To Shave With

Parents need to beware of their children receiving Gillette Fusion Shaving Blades where they should really be receiving Gillette ProGlide Shaving Blades that promises a closer and smoother shave than the Fusion.

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Expectations

Every holiday can’t be memorable, and you should get your kids used to that.

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That House Across From The Traylors’

The guy who lives there is kinda weird. Well, maybe he’s fine. He hasn’t actually done anything wrong, but just skip it.

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Registered Sex Offenders Hidden In Candy

Double-check every piece of candy before allowing them within 500 feet of your child.

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A Bowl With A Skeleton Hand That Snaps Down When You Take A Piece Of Candy

Ahhhh!

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Children Over 12 With The Temerity To Continue Trick-Or-Treating

Alert police if you see any adolescents attempting to enjoy the holiday by wearing silly costumes with their friends.

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King Cobras

It is always a good idea to keep an eye out for king cobras.

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The Old Lady Who Gives Out Shoehorns

Not really dangerous, but it’s just really weird.

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Candy Bars Laced With Sugars

Watch out for houses distributing treats secretly filled with chemicals like high fructose corn syrup.

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Gradual Poisoning

You might not see your child get sick immediately, but 14 years of eating trace amounts of poison in Halloween candy definitely adds up.

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The Rapture

It can come at any time, so be prepared even on Halloween night.

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That One Neighbor Who Turns Every Interaction into a 20-Minute Conversation

Okay, guy, we really have to keep moving! We only have an hour tops before our kid pees all down his costume.

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Espionage

Halloween is the perfect opportunity for the intelligence community to dress up as ghosts and ghouls to assassinate political enemies.

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King-Sized Candy Bars

If the house has enough money to give out king-sized candy bars to each treat-or-treater, they may teach your child to prioritize wealth over human decency.

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Having A Good Time

Worst case scenario, your kids enjoy themselves so much that they want to do this all again next year.