WASHINGTON—In an effort to explain the rising U.S. death toll, President Donald Trump told reporters Monday that he blamed the nation’s susceptibility to coronavirus on the weakness of America’s race-muddled gene pool. “It’s sad to say, but decades of rampant miscegenation have watered down our superior genetics to the point that we’re completely defenseless against our invisible enemy,” said Trump, arguing that widespread intermingling had made the U.S.’s Covid-19 response more challenging compared to countries with less-tainted bloodlines such as Australia and Iceland. “We’ve done a very good job, but unfortunately, there’s only so much we can do when so many are tainted by DNA from the mongrel races. Folks, I’ve been saying it for years: The moment we got rid of the one-drop rule, we signed our own death warrants.” Trump went on to call for all full-blooded Aryans to donate plasma in an effort to help return America to its racially pure heyday.
More from The Onion