PRAIRIE, ID—Trading the White House for a few small buildings in a remote wooded area only accessible by ATV, the Trump administration has fled government persecution and retreated to an off-the-grid cabin compound in the Idaho mountains, sources confirmed Friday. “This is the way Americans were meant to live,” President Trump reportedly said as he looked out across the isolated encampment and used tactical hand signals to communicate with his acting chief of staff, Mick Mulvaney, who manned a sniper post in a nearby pine tree. “As a sovereign citizen, I am not subject to government authority, and it is only here in these hills that I can truly be free. We generate our own electricity, and my aides set up this whole system for collecting and purifying water. Out here, if the feds try to trample my freedoms, they’re more likely to tread on one of our tripwire explosives or spring-loaded bear traps.” Later, as he patted a 12-gauge pump-action shotgun, the 45th president of the United States was overheard saying that anyone who trespassed on his property to enforce a subpoena would “have to get past this baby first.”
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