
A federal grand jury has indicted former President Donald Trump on a multitude of charges related to his effort to overturn the 2020 election. The Onion asked Trump supporters what they thought of his third indictment, and this is what they said.
A federal grand jury has indicted former President Donald Trump on a multitude of charges related to his effort to overturn the 2020 election. The Onion asked Trump supporters what they thought of his third indictment, and this is what they said.
“It’s tragic how he’s being targeted just because he simply cannot refrain from committing crimes even for a single minute.”
“First our corrupt, liberal courts said I can’t drive drunk through a public baseball field, and now they’ve come to persecute Donald Trump too.”
“I know he’d be there for me if I were indicted three times.”
“If there’s one thing I know about deep-state cabals wielding unchecked power, it’s that they prefer to dispose of their enemies using an endless series of ineffectual indictments.”
“Every day he gives me more to live up to.”
“Well, I now have no choice but to admit I was wrong and stop supporting him.”
“So it’s like Trump is Hunter Biden, and the 2020 election is the laptop? Or is Trump the laptop?”
“This well-established pattern of criminality raises dire concerns that I will ignore as soon as he wins the Republican nomination.”
“This man used to have my uncritical support, but this third indictment is probably going to be the thing to change my mind and the minds of millions of others.”
“Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump! I miss my kids terribly. Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump!”
“If this indictment is turning influential, big-name Republicans like Asa Hutchinson and Jon Huntsman against him, maybe it really is bad.”
“I honestly hoped he’d have a few more by now.”
“And Sleepy Joe Biden hasn’t even managed to get one.”
“I’m pissed, but it’s not every day you get to say ‘thrice,’ so I guess it balances out.”
“Listen, I said I supported his racist policies, not his sloppy paperwork.”
“He’s just a scapegoat. Barron is the true mastermind.”
“Wow, he’s almost got as many as me!”