Trump Sits Down Beside Fire With Quill And Ink For Evening Writing Out Tweets

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NEW YORK—Retiring to his candlelit study with a hot mug of chamomile tea as he does every night, presidential candidate Donald Trump reportedly sat down beside a crackling fire Thursday with his quill and ink for a long evening of writing out tweets. “Leave my dinner by the door if you would—I need to be alone with my thoughts now,” Trump called to his butler, as he slowly leaned back in his leather armchair, pressed his outstretched index finger to his chin, and quietly contemplated the composition of a tweet critiquing Hillary Clinton’s economic vision for the country, then carefully dipped the goose-feather quill into the inkwell on his desk and scrawled the missive, before abruptly shaking his head, crumpling up the piece of parchment, and tossing it aside. “No, no! Oh, this will never do. The phrasing is wrong, all wrong. Think, Donald, think! You must articulate your thoughts perfectly if you are to truly capture the most misguided elements of Hillary Clinton’s economic agenda and convey the noxious effects they would have on the working class in your tweet.” After nearly an hour of silent rumination, a pleased Trump reportedly scratched out the phrase “Crooked Hillary will be bad for jobs. She has no clue! Sad!” before setting down his quill in peaceful contentment and using his candle snuffer to tamp out his reading light for the evening.