After former President Donald Trump was indicted by a Georgia grand jury, his supporters found and published the names and addresses of the jury’s members. The Onion asked Trump supporters why they posted the jurors’ personal information online, and this is why they said.
“Obviously, if people are gonna murder them, an address would be handy.”
“They made the mistake of having an address.”
“I feel left out that I haven’t been charged for a crime yet.”
“What can I say? I love connecting people.”
“I know Trump would do the same for me if our roles were reversed.”
“I think it’s cowardly to not at least be open to having a healthy debate on your doorstep with a complete stranger in the middle of the night.”
“I figured I’d never get in trouble since Democrats fired every cop in America and replaced them with DEI officers.”
“Well, I’m open to other ideas for intimidating current and future jurors.”
“They need to know that they can’t just get away with examining the evidence and presenting a decision in accordance with the law.”
“This is the most fun Truth Social has ever been, and I’m not supposed to participate?”
“I just bet it makes Mr. Trump feel real good to know he’s got somebody out there on his side. Like, he’s up in that magnificent home of his, and he’s thinking, ‘Man, I’ve got it all, but it’s nothing compared to what Mr. Crenshaw has done for me.’ Because it turns out, he knows me! He knows my name! He’s even got a picture of me on his desk. Me! Little old Joshie Crenshaw! And just thinking about that makes me turn off the car engine and open the garage door and know I’ve got a reason to face another day.”
“I’m incredibly jealous of all of them as someone who has never been described as a ‘grand’ anything.”
“I’m just really hoping it inspires one of them to doxx me back.”
“Whoa, whoa, all I did was retweet someone else’s grotesque violation of those people’s privacy.”
“Well, we all know the president’s address, so it only seemed fair.”
“Wanted to send a message that would make them think twice about indicting Donald Trump, a message that, in hindsight, probably would’ve worked better prior to them and three other grand juries handing down indictments.”
“I did crime to get Trump out of his crime. The crimes cancel out.”
“I’m too lazy to mail the bombs myself.”