Rather than participate in the first GOP presidential debate, Donald Trump instead opted to appear in a pretaped interview with Tucker Carlson that will air at the same time. The Onion asked Trump supporters how they felt about the former president’s interview, and this is what they said.
“It was refreshing to see Trump appear on an uncensored, unfiltered stage like Tucker’s show instead of restraining himself the way he always does with the mainstream media.”
“It only made me want Tucker Carlson to be president even more.”
“I didn’t like that the interview was held in Carlson’s mostly empty, one-bedroom apartment. Trump seemed really uncomfortable when he gave Tucker that housewarming plant and Tucker started to cry a little, but then said he just had allergies. Watching Trump awkwardly pat his back and compliment Tucker as he sobbed heavily into a handkerchief for an hour was a bummer.”
“I was excited when Trump announced that anyone who donates $10 or more is eligible to be his vice president.”
“I think it was a mistake for them to both be eating king crab legs the whole interview. It just distracted from the message.”
“The partial nudity was unexpected but welcome.”
“Finally, two men having an intellectual conversation without being interrupted by a woman.”
“It was good to finally get Trump’s take on his legal troubles.”
“Don’t tell him, but I was actually watching Suits instead.”
“I didn’t expect the entire interview to be a virtual tour of Trump’s remodeled bathroom, but I must say it looks great.”
“So glad Trump finally got the airtime he never gets.”
“Tucker Carlson didn’t hold back from asking the hardball questions like ‘Are you innocent?’ and ‘How innocent are you?’”
“I’m glad Trump skipped the debate, because not having to think critically about whom to vote for is my favorite part of living in a two-party system.”
“I was really hoping this would be the interview where he said he loved me, but I guess he’s saving that for next time.”
“Finally, some objective bootlicking from the media.”
“Hopefully the other candidates can duke it out over who will be most pathetic when capitulating to Trump for a Cabinet position.”
“It’s just nice to see those boys getting along again.”