NEW YORK—Shouting directly at the camera while a graphic of two infants appeared on the screen behind him, Fox News anchor Tucker Carlson used the opening segment of his show Tuesday to angrily explain the difference between a good baby and a bad baby. “Idiot liberals will tell you that there’s only one type of baby, but that’s a lie—the good babies we have in America are not the same as the nasty, dangerous, bad little babies trying to sneak in through our borders,” said the host of Tucker Carlson Tonight, urging viewers not to be fooled by photos of wicked immigrant babies who are simply pretending to be good to trick benevolent Americans into feeling sympathy for them, even though they are, in fact, bad. “This baby is a good baby because it doesn’t want to hurt you. And this baby is a bad baby because, even though it doesn’t have basic motor skills, it wants more than anything to hurt you and your family. But make no mistake, once these evil, morally bankrupt babies can lift their heads, it’s all over for this country and our precious, good babies.” Carlson went on to say that after the commercial break, he would be sitting down for an in-depth screaming match with his guest, an 8-month-old Venezuelan girl.


This example of peerless reportage comes to you from Onion Social News. Onion Social News gives users access to the finest algorithmically-selected journalism, controlling what you see and when you see it for the betterment of humanity and beyond. To learn more, click here.

Advertisement