WASHINGTON—Appalled that such blatant ineptitude would be showcased on national television, consumers across the country expressed their alarm Wednesday after viewing a beverage commercial that featured a woefully reckless pouring technique. “Whoa, whoa, that guy’s got to be more careful—he could easily spill that all over the place,” said Waukesha, WI resident Beth Gleason, who along with millions of other Americans viewing the advertisement was quick to point out that the irresponsible pourer was living on the knife’s edge by carelessly dumping the beverage in a wild torrent from such a dangerously high elevation. “There’s a whole bunch of suds sliding down the side of the glass, for crying out loud! Oh, sure, now just slam the glass down onto the bar and slide it toward the camera right through the sticky puddle you just created. Jesus, what a mess.” At press time, the American populace admitted that the commercial’s atrocious serving method had done nothing to dissuade them from immediately purchasing the beverage.

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