WASHINGTON—Unable to pinpoint the exact time the new administration takes over, the United States reportedly entered a constitutional crisis Wednesday after officials forgot whether the transfer of presidential power happens at 12:00 a.m. or 12:00 p.m. “Shit, shit, shit, do we have Biden take over at midnight or does it happen over lunchtime?” said Anita Dunn, senior advisor to the President-elect, as the fate of the nation’s democracy hung in the balance while teams of stumped constitutional scholars struggled to discern whether Biden’s term legitimately starts when he puts his hand on the Bible or when “Hail To The Chief” plays. “P.M. means post meridian, so it seems like it has to do with the placement of the sun, but then—fuck—how do we factor in time zone differences? Do we need to appoint an acting president for a few hours or something, or does the House speaker need to hit their gavel in a special way? I’m completely lost.” At press time, transition officials decided to just go with whatever the hell it said on Wikipedia.
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