With its helium reserves rapidly depleting, the United States faces a shortage expected to have a detrimental effect on certain sectors of the economy. What do you think?


“Ah, the hell with balloons anyway. They were useless for getting me well soon.”

Jerry Faulk • Lifeguard

“Greetings, earthling. We come in peace. See? Not as funny without the helium, is it?”

Dana Creamer • Systems Analyst

“As a dirigible pilot since 1935, I thank God for an excuse to get out of this fucking business.”

Gary William • Delineator