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Ultra-Realistic ‘NBA 2K23’ Update Adds Unexplainable Horseshit Calls

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NOVATO, CA—Revealing several new features in the console game ahead of its release, developer Visual Concepts announced Thursday that the ultra-realistic NBA 2K23 update adds unexplainable horseshit calls. “We wanted the playing experience in NBA 2K23 to be as close to the real thing as possible, and we can’t do that without upgrading our AI to ensure that there will be several completely bullshit foul calls against the player every game,” said Visual Concepts spokesman Lee Bishop at a press conference where he showed reporters a demo of a defender five feet away from the player’s controlled character and the referees still bizarrely calling an offensive charge. “This year, we’re taking the game to the next level with totally infuriating calls that are guaranteed to make you scream at your television and yell, ‘What the fuck was that?’ just like the real NBA viewing experience. These calls will go against your team 100% of the time and will occur in the most crucial moments, providing our most realistic playing experience yet.” The developers added that NBA 2K23 also features an optional Conspiracy mode where the results are all decided in advance and carried out by crooked referees and a corrupt lottery drafting process that allows the biggest-market teams to win to make the game better mimic the real NBA.