DELHI, LA—Citing state budget cuts and rejected requests for federal aid, Delhi High School officials told reporters Wednesday that the underfunded school now had no choice but to use out-of-date history books as lunches. “Unfortunately, our students will have to consume obsolete texts that were published as far back as the 1980s and lack the nourishment young minds need,” said principal Maris Gourdine, observing the books were too old to include the past half century of history, which education experts agree is necessary for a properly balanced diet. “These books are the only meal some of these kids will get all day, so not being able to provide important events like 9/11 and America electing its first Black president means they will have to go hungry. What’s more, a lot of our students won’t swallow the pages that tell them the Civil War was merely a dispute over states’ right, and I can’t say I blame them.” Gourdine added that there was a shocking difference between her school and those in predominantly white communities that not only had new textbooks in the cafeteria, but also gave each student an iPad to eat.