EVANSTON, IL—As she watched yet another person walk past her home without taking in the festive decor, local woman Kathy Legrand stated Wednesday that not one of those ungrateful pricks had so much as glanced at the Christmas tree she placed in her front window to bring them holiday cheer. “I went to a lot of effort to spread a little yuletide joy, so the least you assholes could do is look up from your phone and stare in wonderment for a moment or two,” said a visibly angered Legrand, adding that she supposed it had been a complete waste of energy to move the heavy chaise lounge into the den so that her display of seasonal gaiety could be enjoyed by the whole neighborhood, which was apparently filled with nothing but killjoys. “Listen, you miserable pieces of shit. I put these lights and ornaments here on the side of my tree that faces the window to give everybody a bit of fucking merriment. But instead of experiencing, even in a small way, the spirit of the season, you’re literally watching your dog as he takes a piss. What the hell is wrong with you?” At press time, Legrand was seen dragging her fully decorated Christmas tree door to door in an attempt to bring the holiday spirit to her neighbors by force.