The Onion ranks the year's most important news items that never made it to the front page:
Feb. 27: Iran gets universal health care
March 19: A dog and a cat coexist peacefully in same bookstore
April 14: Ashlee Simpson claims four dependents on tax returns
April 22: Rupert Murdoch retreats to opulent estate after failure of personally financed opera starring his untrained wife
Aug. 9: Small, boring genocide of only about 23,000 Africans
Oct. 12: New law exempts owners of boats over 30 feet from paying taxes
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