The FDA recently approved a new Nutrition Facts label in an effort to better inform consumers about the contents of their food products. Here are some of the upcoming changes:

  • Font switched from the incomprehensible Helvetica to the more clear and enlightening Arial
  • Larger, bolder calorie count that is easier to read beneath globs of ketchup
  • FDA-approved wine pairings now included alongside percent daily values
  • Recommended daily allowances of sodium and cholesterol updated to reflect latest cutting-edge scientific research from the National Restaurant Association and Frito-Lay
  • All nutrition labels to include graphic image of diseased lung, just to be safe
  • After years of heated debate and FDA gridlock, potassium to receive top billing
  • Nutritional content of packaging also included for good measure
  • Secret promo codes will unlock behind-the-scenes extras at FDA.gov
  • Contents of beer, wine, and liquor to remain a beautiful mystery
  • Labels will, on the whole, continue to be fully ignorable

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