Upcoming Changes To U.S. Currency

Illustration for article titled Upcoming Changes To U.S. Currency

Secretary of the Treasury Jack Lew recently announced a series of significant changes to U.S. currency. Here are some of the more notable alterations on the horizon:

  • $50 bill to feature blinking Ulysses S. Grant
  • Portentous images of the attacks on the World Trade Center hidden on the $20 bill to be hidden more carefully this time
  • Word “Dollars” officially changed to “Smackeroos” on all bills
  • New flavors include Radical Ranch, Sweet Heat, and Baja Burst
  • Approval to produce a $2.07 bill in keeping with inflation of bodega pizza slice
  • $5 bills way easier to counterfeit
  • One more attempt to shove a dollar coin down our throats
  • Current level of U.S. national debt revealed when bills held under ultraviolet light