Valentine's Day Specials

Illustration for article titled Valentines Day Specials

This time of year, couples can take advantage of the great Valentine’s deals many businesses have to offer. Here are some of the bargains that are available:

  • JetBlue: Last-minute Elopers’ Special fares to Reno or Las Vegas with coupon code HUGEMISTAKE
  • 1-800-Flowers: Bouquet of any kind guaranteed to be delivered at least two days late, and without apology or refund; applies to any order, ever, not just those on Valentine’s Day
  • Frederick’s of Hollywood: 10 percent off everything crotchless
  • T.G.I. Friday’s: Free margaritas for every table that looks like the guy’s having trouble closing the deal
  • Target: Half off candles you can light and enjoy until he comes home and says this place smells like a goddamn whorehouse and blows them out, throwing them in the trash before heading into the bedroom to play Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
  • Sears Portrait Studio: Free after-hours erotic portrait session when you call Doug on his home phone
  • Rite Aid: Complimentary can of Axe body spray with every NuvaRing purchased
  • Thomas Kinkade Art Gallery: Available for a limited time only at the price of $499.49, a new original painting signed by Kinkade himself and titled “Fuckin’ In The Snow”
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