THE VATICAN—As part of a yearlong exhibit celebrating the massive fossilized holy men, the Vatican Natural History Museum opened its collection of prehistoric saint skeletons to the public, sources confirmed Thursday. “Now for the first time, visitors can get up close and really appreciate the size of these beatified creatures, some of which are theorized to have weighed up to 10,000 pounds and were as tall as a two-story building,” said the museum’s curator Bishop Marcello Sandri, noting that the largest specimens would have consumed several tons of Eucharist per day as they roamed the planet performing miracles. “The exhibit covers the earthbound saints, who used their specialized forelimbs for blessing things, as well as their winged brethren, who lived among the trees and only swooped down to feed, mate, and minister to the unfortunate.” Sandri added that admission to the museum was free; however, visitors could pay extra for tickets to the undersea IMAX film Jesuits Of The Deep.
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